I’ve noticed that many people – both men and women – are struggling with the concept of “not enoughness” in various areas of their lives, this being the reason why I decided to dig into the topic and share my thoughts. Here are some examples: Not knowledgeable enough, not beautiful enough, not wealthy enough, not smart enough, not young enough, not confident enough, not experienced enough, not brave enough etc.
Women often experience less confidence compared to men, largely due to the different ways they are raised. From the biases and unrealistic expectations imposed upon them – whether it’s about appearance, age, professional capabilities, or more – women face unique challenges. Many are raised with the pressure to be perfect, and these pressures come not just from men, but from other women as well. Some of these challenges combined with other factors such as the tendency to compare ourselves to other people, negative self-talk, childhood experiences (education, parenting style), social pressures on genders and roles, lack of support, emotional or physical abuse, past failures, social media, other society expectations of all kinds and so on could accentuate the feeling of “not feeling good enough”.
Moreover, we live in a society that encourages us to believe we’re not good enough, and that we need more to be happy (better education, larger homes, the latest phone, fancier clothes, etc.). In my opinion, we fail the most as a society when we compare ourselves, and put people in boxes versus looking at them from a unique perspective: who they are at core, what inspires and motivates them, and what gifts they bring in the world. If we constantly compare ourselves with other people (in the workplace, social circles, etc.) we’ll never feel enough.
When people look at other people with admiration, curiosity, and openness to learn, versus competition, and judgment, we create better working environments, and positive relationships. This is where leadership, education, mentoring, and personal development can make a difference in the world.
Speaking about the concept “I am enough”, it is important to feel we are sufficient to create and act from a place of abundance and calm versus scarcity and fear. As a society, it is important to create those environments that are positive and foster inclusion and collaboration not just in schools, but also in the professional settings.
But are we genuinely creating these environments at work? Do we truly accept people as they are? The reality is I haven’t seen a lot of places that truly encourage authenticity, without any type of judgments; however, I’d like to believe those places exist.
The consequences of believing “you are not enough”
If you hold a deep-seated belief that you’re not good enough, it will reflect in your life. You may find yourself in jobs, relationships, or situations where you’re constantly striving to prove your worth. This can lead to feeling stuck, unhappy, insecure, and filled with self-doubt, which only fuels anxiety and other negative experiences. Constantly proving your worth is not a healthy way of living.
To change this pattern, it’s crucial to dig deep and understand the root causes of these feelings. Where does this sense of feeling less come from? How can you shift your mindset to feel that you are enough?
When you transform your internal world, your external reality will follow. Our subconscious mind is a powerful driver of our conscious actions. When you move from feeling not enough to feeling whole, life is much better, and you no longer feel the need to prove your worth.
As leaders, it is important to encourage people to upgrade their skills, as a way to develop themselves and learn more, but not to make them feel they are not good enough.
When feeling not good enough take a moment to reflect:
- Why do I feel I’m not good enough?
- What fear is fueling this feeling?
- Why do I feel the need to prove myself?
- What would happen if I accepted that I am enough?
- What past experiences contribute to these feelings?
- How do I behave when I don’t feel enough?
- What can I do differently when these feelings arise?
Embracing the reality of “Enough”
When you begin any relationship or endeavor from a place of believing that you are enough, you no longer need to prove anything to anyone. You show up authentically and confidently, which transforms your experience with yourself first, and then with other people.
Here are some affirmations to help you stay grounded in a positive mindset and navigate self-doubt, worry, and anxiety related to not feeling enough—whether you’re pursuing a new job, building relationships, or starting a business:
- I am enough just the way I am
- I know it is safe and possible to feel enough
- I know it is safe and possible to meet people who see me as enough
- I am grateful for who I am
- I know I am beautiful just the way I am
- I know it is safe and possible to have the dream job, car, etc. (whatever you wish)
- I can do this
- I love myself/I love other people.
Practice these affirmations regularly, and truly believe in them. When you internalize these beliefs at a subconscious level, remarkable changes begin to unfold.
As a coach, and a practitioner of Theta Healing, a holistic mindfulness approach that focuses on finding the right balance between mind, body, and spirit, I help people go deeper into understanding themselves, support them to be more self-aware, and work together to unlock potential so they can take their lives to the next level.
If you like this article please share it with those in need, and don’t forget “You are enough”.
