Have you ever made a mistake? If you said no, I do not believe you.
If yes, remember how you felt. You probably felt a high level of stress, anxiety, guilt, shame, embarrassment, fear, shock, panic, disappointment, etc. A mistake is not a death sentence, but sometimes depending on how we internalize it, or what it is, it can feel that way.
In my opinion, when someone admits making a mistake, it is a great sign of self-improvement. The person is already self-aware of the mistake and is ready to change. When self-aware is high, progress happens. This is not the right time to focus on the problem or penalize it in any way. So what could you do?
Here are some thoughts to consider:
1. Stay calm & find a private room to discuss it
When someone makes a mistake, it is crucial you stay calm. It will help the person open up to discuss it vs shutting down. I cannot stress how important it is to stay calm and ask good questions while understanding the situation.
Never address a mistake, or give feedback in a room with other people when angry or frustrated. If you need some time to process the emotion, take a moment to calm down. I suggest you do that versus acting under pressure. It will help you and the other person have a constructive conversation. Many people do not react well or take constructive feedback when the atmosphere is tense and they may get into defense mode.
2. Assume good intentions/Ask for their perspective
Give the person the benefit of the doubt. Assume the mistake was unintentional and not a result of negligence. Encourage open communication by asking the person to share their perspective on what happened. This approach fosters a positive and trusting atmosphere which allows the person to discuss openly and provide valuable insights into the circumstances surrounding the mistake. You may get a perspective and context you were not aware of. You may realize there is a miscommunication somewhere or identify better ways to support that person.
Here are some examples:
“I know you probably didn’t mean it, but can you tell me more about what happened today? I noticed you were X (define what it is, be specific). I noticed you showed up differently today. Are you all right? What is the reason behind this X? Let’s understand more about why is this happening. Is there more that I need to know?”
Giving space and an opportunity to understand what led to that mistake is key for improvement.
Remember: It is easier to judge a situation than to understand it. Our brains tend to put things into boxes such as right and wrong, black and white, however, situations can be grey sometimes and very complex. Perspective is everything.
3. Listen actively/Provide Constructive feedback
Accepting a mistake is hard in itself. You will be surprised how many people won’t do it. By listening actively, you create space and a positive atmosphere where the person can share and open up. There is nothing more powerful than someone saying “I am sorry. I made a mistake”. Avoid interrupting and make an effort to understand their viewpoint before expressing your own. This may be hard when emotions are high on both/either ends, that’s why staying calm is crucial when understanding what happened and/or providing feedback.
Offer feedback that focuses on the specific actions or circumstances that led to the mistake. Be specific about what went wrong and why it was a mistake vs a general comment. In my opinion, when someone makes a mistake, it is better to focus on solutions and address the mistake only if necessary.
4. Offer solutions/Encourage Learning
Instead of focusing on the problem, work together to find a solution and preventive measures. The collaborative approach will empower the person to learn from experience and feel supported in the learning process. When dealt with it properly, it increases loyalty towards the company, and leader, and helps shape a better tomorrow. Discuss how the mistake can be a stepping stone for improvement and development, and how we can all learn from these experiences. I cannot stress enough how important is to emphasize the opportunity for growth and learning vs focusing on the problem. You can’t change the past but you can change the present moment and the future.
Here are some sample questions to consider:
“What solutions do you see so this doesn’t happen again?”
“What else can be done to avoid these types of mistakes in the future?”
“Is there anything else I or the company can do to help?”
“Here is an idea of how this could have been prevented. What do you think?”
5. Maintain Positivity/Reassure and Support
Keep the conversation positive and forward-looking. Avoid dwelling on blame or negativity and encourage the person to move past the mistake. Reassure the person that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s a natural part of the learning process. Offer your support in helping them rectify the situation. This moment is crucial to establish trust and a feeling of support in moments like this. Make a plan together for a solution. I find by doing so, you feel more like a partner and a team vs. employer-employee relationship. Avoid jumping to conclusions as much as possible.
Here are some examples:
“We all learn from these types of experiences. What did you learn from this experience?”
“What can you do differently next time? How can I support you?”
“What can I help you with so it doesn’t happen again? Is there anything I can do to support you?”
6. Address patterns, not personalities:
If the mistake is part of a behavioral pattern, focus on addressing the behavior rather than criticizing the person’s character. It will create a more constructive, less judgemental, and less confrontational atmosphere and make the other person accept feedback easily. Personality-based feedback can reinforce stereotypes and biases (the last thing you want to focus on), while addressing the behavior allows a more objective evaluation. Often a person may not be aware of the behaviour as seen by others.
When someone makes a mistake, the last thing you want to do as a leader is to punish your employees, patronize, blame, or criticize them. The emotion of fear and stress is already high, therefore creating a psychologically safe atmosphere is important for all parties involved where there will be less sense of defenselessness. Not saying anything is also painful for the person who made the mistake.
There are no perfect conversations, situations, or people, however, with some effort on both ends and constructive communication everything is possible. Drop me a message if you found this post useful.
